Can Therapy Help Me Control My Emotions?

I’ve often struggled with the idea of controlling emotions.

As an autistic person, I used to take that word quite literally. People would say things like “you need to control your emotions,” and I’d feel completely lost. How could I possibly control something that feels like a whirlwind inside me? My inner world has always been full of texture and intensity, joy, sadness, anxiety, curiosity, often viscerally and all at once.

Was this what people meant by control?

It never quite made sense.

Over time, and especially through my own therapy, I began to realise that emotional control wasn’t really the goal. It wasn’t about silencing or suppressing what I felt (which might give a cheeky insight into how I view control). For me, it was about creating space, enough inner room to notice what was happening without being completely swept away by it.

That shift changed a lot for me.

Therapy didn’t stop my emotions from being big or complex. It helped me to slow down just enough to recognise what was happening, to notice rather than react immediately. Sometimes that looks like naming a feeling before it takes over, or giving myself permission to pause instead of pushing through.

And sometimes, being kind to myself when I didn’t notice my feelings in the moment at all.

It doesn’t always work perfectly (I’m human, after all). But for me, there’s a difference between trying to control emotions and learning to stay with them.

I wonder if other people who feel deeply, or who experience a rich emotional world, can relate to this? Control can feel harsh or unreachable, especially when emotions move fast or arrive all at once. What helps instead is compassion, allowing yourself to make space for what’s here, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Because therapy doesn’t erase emotions.

It helps you make space for them.